Frank Feldman

A man walks out to the street and manages to get a taxi just going

by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing.

You're just like Frank.'

Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the

time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened

like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'

Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'

Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have

won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang

like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should

have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'

Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. Could

remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to

order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like

me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank

Feldman, he could do everything right.'

Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'

Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid

traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But

Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a

woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if

she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes

highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake.

No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman'

Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'

Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his

F#$%&*G widow.