How to get a pay raise...

A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

Wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the
raise.

She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Your husband said so."'

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Your husband did."

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."

Wife: (really furious now): "Did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Señora...the gardener did."

Lawyer With a Heart

One   afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when  he  saw two  men
along the roadside eating grass.    Disturbed, he  ordered his driver to
stop and he got out to  investigate.   He asked one man, 'Why are you  eating
grass?'


'We don't  have any money for  food,' the poor man  replied.  'We have to
eat   grass.' 'Well, then,  you can come with me to my house and I'll feed
you,' the  lawyer said.


'But sir,  I have a wife and two children with me.  They are  over there,
under that tree.'

'Bring them  along,' the lawyer replied.
 
Turning to  the other poor man he stated, 'You come with  us, also.'
 
The   second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, 'But sir, I also have  a
wife and SIX children with me!'
 
'Bring   them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.
They all  entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as  large
as the limousine was.
 
Once underway,  one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer   and said,
'Sir, you are too kind.' 'Thank you for taking all of  us with you.'
 
The lawyer  replied, 'Glad to do it.'
 
'You'll really  love my place.'
 
'The grass  is almost a foot high'

A Child's Prayer

Dear God,

 

Please send clothes for all those

poor ladies in Dad's computer.

 

Amen